i know i fucked up
i’m so sorry for being loud
and for everything i did when i was around
but it’s so hard
to be your honest self
and not apologize for being anything else

and i still miss you when you’re not here
but you’re also kinda my biggest fear
saying, doing anything, my head taking control of me
and thinking that i’m honestly the worst at human decency

i wanna be forgotten all the time
i just want you to act like i’m not committing some heinous crime
i wanna be forgiven most of the time
but i don’t deserve it most of the time

i don’t deserve it
all of the love i get
because i don’t know when not to scratch an itch
but if you love me
say it to me now
because i need to be reminded i’m worth something somehow

you can’t tell me that i’m okay
then rip my heart away cause i can’t
stand not doing anything but thinking that i’m so controlling
forcing all my friends to give me anything worth holding but

i wanna be forgotten all the time
i just want you to act like i’m not committing some heinous crime
i wanna be forgiven most of the time
but i don’t deserve it most of the time

and i wanna be remembered after i’m dead
i just wanna be someone who isn’t thought of as a girl who shot herself in the head
i wanna live my life with no regrets
but i haven’t lived my fullest life yet